I left the house today, on a Saturday! And not just to get groceries, either!
I took the train to Philadelphia and visited the Philadelphia Museum of Art. You may not fully comprehend the immensity of this. I am a hermit, I can barely make myself leave the house to go to work. I used to get my groceries delivered but now that my store cancelled that service, I have to go out for them as well. Visiting my son for Christmas took a tremendous effort. And to take a train! Which involves driving and parking at the train station in Paoli, and then getting on it and then OUT in Suburban Station in Philadelphia, where I have never been (the train station, not Philadelphia). And then a BUS to the art museum. This is beyond extraordinary for me.
I have been wanting to go since I took up watercolor painting again – something I haven’t done since I was in elementary school. I think that was the last time I was at the art museum too – sometime back in pre-history. I have been thinking and planning the trip, and then backing out from stress and fear and lethargy, over and over.
So today I had, yet again, planned to go. Of course when I woke up I immediately started thinking that I just couldn’t do it. It was a beautiful, warm, gorgeous day, and I was my usual baby self, frightened of doing something new, even though I really really wanted to.
Then something I read on Joe Peacock’s webpage the other day came bubbling back up. It is one of his short entries, and I hope he doesn’t mind if I quote it here.
2012 is now four days old. This is a short, friendly reminder that you are going to die.
Quit fucking around. Your life is ending one day at a time. Fill it with things other than regret for not filling it with things.
So I told myself to stop being a baby and go get on the freaking train.
And I did. I had a fabulous time on a gorgeous day looking at some wonderful art. Nothing went horribly wrong. Yes, I missed the train I had planned to take home, but you know what? There was another one thirty minutes later.
I want to “fill [my life] with things other than regret for not filling it with things”. Amen, Joe.