I Said I Wanted A Change… But I’m Not Sure I Meant This

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No, it is not Nekoka who is feeling stressed, miserable, wrung out, and fatigued.  It’s me.  After thirteen years with my company, I’m getting the boot.

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To be fair and non-self-centered, it is not just me – the company is shutting down the Malvern office (and a bunch of other offices) and everyone was either given a relocation offer or, like me, an end-date as of which my job will no longer exist.  Said date being (subject to their whim of course) September 30th.

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I am not very good at change, especially when it is forced upon me.  So many decisions.  So much uncertainty.  But – since I have to look for a job anyway, I might as well look for one out in Tucson, right?   Where my son lives.  In the meantime, I’m making a list of everything I have to think about, decide upon, and do in order to turn my entire life (the last twenty-eight years of which have been here in Malvern, the last twenty in my very own townhouse, the last thirteen working for this company) upside-down.

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In the meantime as a stress-reducer, I’m doing a lot of crocheting.  I’ve finished two more shawls! 

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Yes, I am a shawl-madwoman.  I’m also giving away and throwing out and generally frazzling myself silly with my brain totally being unable to stop spiraling madly into frenzies of panic, fear, and a certain tiny little sense of excitement.

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And I’m having a lot of nightmares.  Losing a job can do that to you, as I’m sure many of you understand.  I’m seriously wishing I hadn’t stopped drinking and eating myself into a coma.  I have been good though and my only obsessions have been the crochet hook, the elliptical, and surfing the net looking at real estate in Tucson.

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It is a long way till the end of September and there will be a severance package (if my company follows through on its statement of intent).   In the meantime, I am going to keep my eye on the prize – living in the same city as my son.  In the SUN. 

Now where is my crochet hook…

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This entry was posted in Bandit, Cats, Crochet, Merlin, Nekoka, Parrots, Sassafrass, That Which Must Be Done and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

39 Responses to I Said I Wanted A Change… But I’m Not Sure I Meant This

  1. animalartist says:

    Cynthia, I know it’s hard for you giving up everything that’s familiar, but just imagine the reward–living near your son! Keep us updated on what you are finding for real estate and employment. So glad for the internet because your blog friends can still keep in touch as if nothing had happened!

    When I need a break, I either look at crochet patterns for a short break, or get out the crochet bag and all my kitties join around me. Happy crocheting!

  2. Dianna says:

    Oh, I’m so sorry about the job. But living near your son sounds like a wonderful change! Good luck with everything. As long as you have your crochet hook and your camera, you’ll be fine!

  3. I think you are going to turn lemons into lemonade…most people hate change…shove the fear away and get ready for an excellent adventure…love your crocheting…the shawls, make me want to learn how!

  4. Oh noes!! So sorry ’bout the job. But you are already turning that lemon onto lemonade! Pawsome!! Keep us informed, ‘Kay? Paw past, Savannah

  5. Nancy says:

    Oh! I’m so sorry about the job Cindy, But it does look like you have turned it around already by re-locating near Tony. I think it’s a great idea. I always said I’d do AZ before FL. Crystal loves it down there but I can’t take the humidity. In AZ you can play volley ball in 110* and not break a sweat! I wish you the best. Az is a awesome state.

    • Wazeau says:

      I’ve never seen Tucson mid summer so I’m hoping I can take the heat! But since I’m always freezing to death here, maybe it will be a good thing. I’m trying to feel positive about the whole thing, but all the little details are so overwhelming I’m afraid I’m going to panic and freeze. Thank goodness for friends!

  6. Well crap. All I can say is 12 years ago Scott and I shook things up and moved from Chicago to Las Vegas and it was the scariest yet best thing we’ve ever done. Think of the opportunity to remake yourself in a new location and job! It’s incredibly freeing.

    • Wazeau says:

      Thanks that gives me hope! Moving the cats and birds as well as myself seems so daunting. I’ve been thinking I should rent an RV to move us out there, and if Tony comes home to help with the drive I think it would work. That’s just one detail among many that’s been circling through my mind – the logistics of it all!

      • Oldcat says:

        I moved cross country with my two cats – no birds though – these cats had been on long drives before visiting folks for school vacations and such. I just cut the days a bit shorter and sat in the car with them at lunch break to let them out of the carriers.

        There was only one time one of the cats found a hidey hole under one of the beds in a hotel I had to get her out of. I stuffed blankets and such there after that.

        Good luck in your move!

  7. Wow! I know it’s all going to work out for you. I just know it. I’ve done this in my life, Several times.And it’s scary, but very cool. Let me know if you need any tips! 🙂

    • Wazeau says:

      I’m so glad other people who have been through this are giving me all this positive feedback! I’m definitely going to need tips – or just hand-holding and virtual hugs! Thank goodness there is a nice long leading up period to get my ducks in order. Well, my parrots anyway!

  8. Patricia says:

    Change can be scary. But usually it is for the best. And it sounds like you have good reason to welcome the change. I have been out of a job twice–once when I was in my early 40’s and then when I was in my late 50’s. Second change was harder but both ended up the best I could imagine. You will do fine. Like Sheebie said think of it as an opportunity.

    • Wazeau says:

      I can’t even let myself start thinking about how I’m going to find another job, at 52, in a whole other city and state. I’m not sure I could talk my way into another software engineering job even after twenty-five years in the industry. I just can’t talk the talk anymore although I can do the work. And I’m not sure I even want to stay in the industry. Maybe I can get away with something less stressful if I have rental income from my current townhouse. But medical insurance is so necessary… gah I don’t wanna think about that yet…

  9. lahgitana says:

    Zounds! Your whole reaction sounds quite reasonable to me! Change is hard. May I advise: aim for what you want and it will come together. I know “easy” doesn’t even enter the picture….

    • Wazeau says:

      That sounds like fantastic advice. The only thing I really know I want, is to be close enough to my son to be at least a small part of his life. Now to make that come true…

      • lahgitana says:

        When the ball of life is bouncing around, it can be hard to keep an eye on it. Maybe write down –or crochet!!!!— a picture of what you want. Need a photo of a saguaro? >:-D (I lived in Tucson in the 1970s….)

        Getting the hope and wish onto something other than my brain-folds always helps! Something I can touch. Kinda grounding….

  10. So sorry about the job, it must be so worrying for you. We know something perfect will come along 🙂 Love the shawl, beautiful xx0xx

    Mollie and Alfie

  11. Sorry about getting the boot but moving to Tucson and being near your son sounds like a good change! At least you have time to figure it out.

  12. lemniscate47 says:

    So Sorry to hear your, initially frightening, News.
    I can completely understand you feeling panicy about it. Feeling like they’re pulling the rug out from under you. I hate having Change forced upon me.
    Deep Breaths, eh?!!
    At least, as you say.. you have Time.. to get used to the idea.. n to get organised.
    Thinking of you, Cyn xxx

    • lemniscate47 says:

      p.s. LOVE the Angel’s Wings n Butterfly’s Wings shawls!! Absolutely Beautiful!!
      Only problem being, I can see you sitting their with smoke coming off your hands as your working your hook!!! Take it easy, Babe!! ❤ xxx

      • Wazeau says:

        hehehe you got that right, I’m crocheting up a storm. Not only the three (and 3/4, I’m almost done the fourth one) shawls, but I’m doing a granny square blanket in the middle of all of it too and the squares are piling up like crazy! The cats think I’m nuts and keep pushing onto my lap on top of whatever I’m working on. They love yarn 😛

  13. nadbugs says:

    Dear Cynthia, I hear what a shock this has been for you, and no doubt continues to be. This is an enormous disruption to your world. And I hear your coping skill in reaching for strategies that work for you, like your exquisite crocheting and your budding excitement about moving to be near your son. I am really, really hoping you continue to write openly about this process, including whatever arises for you no matter how difficult. It’s important to me that you continue to keep in touch through this blog and your wonderful photos of your little darlings – that our little community stays connected and with you as you go through this huge transition. Thinking of you, hoping you post often about how you’re doing – Anita

    • Wazeau says:

      Thanks so much for your response. You and everyone else are giving me such good feelings of hope and anticipation. I’ve been sitting on this for two weeks just trying to keep breathing and maintain so the cats and birds don’t get worked up any more than they already are – they are so in tune with me, its hard to try to stay relaxed so they do too. But I’m definitely going to use all the tools I have to get through and over to the other side, and that includes my little blog and all the wonderful people I’ve met through it, and their invaluable experiences. I just hope everyone bears with me!

      • lahgitana says:

        I’m going to chime in here: for a year, I have been baring my soul here in blog-land and have been carried along by friendship, caring, and general cheerleading. The trick was in being open–Anita described it as openness inspiring empathy in others (unintentionally, I assure you!). She’s smart (and has been through the wringer, gaining wisdom on the other side)–we do well to listen to her!

      • nadbugs says:

        No worries. Speaking for myself . . . . Bring it on!

  14. sk75bird says:

    Wow. You are very good crocheting. These are very beautiful!

  15. Chancy and Mumsy says:

    So sorry to hear about your job. I sure hope everything works out for you and your life will be better than ever. The shawls are beautiful! Hugs

    • Wazeau says:

      Thanks guys. I’m sure it will all turn out for the best too – once I get through all the details and am actually sitting out there in the warmth having barbeque at my son’s house, it will be bliss – even if I still have to find a job too!

  16. Flo says:

    Oh my goodness. I’m sorry to hear about that. 😦 I’m glad you’ve got some time to look elsewhere and adjust to the news. AND, there’s the silver lining of being closer to your son.

  17. avianstudent says:

    Heya, I’ve nominated you for the Beautiful Blogger Award – feel free to accept or decline. I know it’s chain-letter format, but I thought I’d use it as an opportunity to share some of my favourite blogs. Hope it gives you a smile. x

    http://studentswithbirds.wordpress.com/2013/02/22/more-blogs-that-ive-been-reading/

  18. minlit says:

    Hey Wazeau – you there? I was hoping I could pick your game-playing brain! Let me know if I can reach you – I’m on deirdre@tranquilspacedesigns.com. It’s not urgent – I know you’re busy with all the changes going on at work etc! D

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